Name Change

Howard went to the same school as me, although we didn't become friends until after I had been expelled for having some cannabis. This is a ridiculous story that I will tell another time. I didn't even know how to roll a joint.

One day we had nothing to do. We spent a while in the pub the Waterloo and then felt frustrated when we saw that the chip shop was closed for the afternoon. I noticed that the building beside it was a solicitors office and, since I was entitled to legal aid, I proposed that changing my name by deed pole would be a worthwhile way to while away some time until the chip shop opened.

Mrs Freeman, the solicitor could see me straight away. But I hadn't thought what name I should change mine to. Howard and I came up with a few ideas but none fitted and the solicitor had no suggestions at all. I decided to get rid of my surname altogether and have only a forename, I have never cared much for the name Wilson. The solicitor said that she would check the legality of having only one name and that she would contact me.

Coincidentally, the solicitor was the mother of a boy who went to the same school as Howard, my old school. Steve had thuggish tendencies and now, I think, works for the Metropolitan Police. A year previously, while we were all at the 5th form school ball, Howard made a funny come back to some insult or other that Steven had dished out and Steven, lost for words (he wasn't so bright) punched Howard in the face.

After a few days passed, Mrs Freeman telephoned and asked me to return to the office and sign some documents to finalise the changing of my name. I did so and she issued me with letters to post to my bank, the passport authorities, the vehicle licensing agency and so on.

I told my parents and was surprised that they took offence to me joining the likes of Sting, Prince, Madonna and Cher. They appeared to be genuinely hurt by such an idea as leaving my family name behind and so to avoid upsetting them I never posted my letters but have them still today, somewhere or other.